You live with HOW MANY people????

As I sit here in the solitude of my darkened bedroom waiting for the effects of the medication to take hold and rid me of the pain of my horrendous  migraine, I can hear the faint bustle and chatter that is a daily part of living in a house with 4 generations. Well, not so faint but it sounds “literary”:).

My 1year old granddaughter is toddling through the kitchen babbling in “other tongues”…very loudly (I have no idea where her loud communication skills come from:); the older 2 girls are sitting at the kitchen table working on their school work… out loud; my daughter-in-law is giving the girls instructions, refereeing, and clanging and shuffling pans and dishes as she tackles another days list of chores, meals, baking or canning, cleaning or organizing stuff, running the kids to classes, etc.. (she does more in a day than I do in a year); my son has gone to work; my husband is sitting at the other end of the table doing the budget as he does every week on this day…we try to leave him alone as this seems to be a rather stressful ritual; and I put my 90year old mother on the “short bus”:) to  the adult senior day-care facility that she goes to twice a week. WHEW! Yes, that’s right…I live in a house with 4 generations…8 people spanning  1 to 90 years.

The reaction when people hear this apparently shocking news is quite comical. It ranges from shock and horror to an expressed admiration for what they seem to think is a monumental feat of endurance, which, admittedly some days it is. In our “look out for #1 – it’s all about ME” culture when we hear that someone is  taking care of an elderly parent, or adult children are living with their parents, we make assumptions that are primarily negative. The adult caregiver of the elderly parent MUST have no life or no other choice, obviously has given up any fun and is in a miserable state of limbo until the parent dies; The adult children who have moved in with their parents MUST be lazy, irresponsible, or living off their parents and not supporting themselves; the parents who have allowed their adult children to move in MUST be CRAZY and enabling their adult children to be lazy and irresponsible or needy themselves and not allowing their children to grow up. WHY on EARTH would ANYBODY choose to live with their family if they didn’t have to??? WHY would you do that?

The attitudes and advise of our culture are priceless: “Put your mother in a home, let someone who is trained deal with taking care of her”;  “She’s already lived her life and you deserve to be free to live yours”;  “Kick your kids and grandkids out…you’ve put in your time”; “WHY would you want to be around all that chaos? Go to Florida or Arizona and leave your kids to figure out their own life.

When did we become so cynical, self centered and materialistic that we think that relationships and family, caring for loved ones and spending time with our kids and parents is an obligation that we merely tolerate only when we absolutely have to, one that drains our finances, and is an inconvenience that inhibits our freedom to live the way  we want and believe we deserve? When did it become the “norm”  and expected thing to do to move away from family and head south when we reach a certain age or retirement? Not that I am against doing that or believe those choices are wrong. It’s the WHY we make those choices or think it’s what should be the goal that concerns me.  I certainly don’t want to be put in that box. I don’t like the confines of those boxes or what is considered “normal” in our culture. It’s not what we are called to as believers. We are called to and created for RELATIONSHIP and serving others! Although relationships are not always easy, especially those with family (and we ALL have baggage and issues), there is nothing more rewarding or meaningful than a life filled with healthy, loving relationships.

We made the choice, for a lot of reasons, to live the way we live for now, with mulit-generations in our home, for this time in life. It may not be orthodox, we don’t intend for it to be permanent, and it brings with it it’s own set of challenges and adjustments, but I would not trade this life experience with my family, even mom:), for anything.

So YES I live in a house with 8 others, 4 generations, and YES there are difficult days and days I wish we were experiencing the “empty nest” syndrome already.  But I have raised my kids and now have the blessing of seeing up-close and personal the fruits of that labor as well as having the privilege of caring for my mom who cared for me. With healthy (but certainly not perfect) boundaries in place,  mutual respect for individuals and their own family choices and decisions,  working together through difficulties and issues that come up, knowing that this is simply a season in life, we CHOOSE to help and care for each other and be content. Sharing the work load and burdens along with the joys, heartaches, ups and downs of everyday life, knowing that every moment is precious and life is but a vapor that is gone in a moment.

I hope that whatever living situation you find yourself in, that you will remember what is really important in life and choose to embrace the moments and the people that God has placed in your life.

Phil 4:11-14 NIV  I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles.

(3 John 1:4 NIV)  I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

(Josh 24:15c NIV)  … But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”