So as I sit here on my bed, listening to the thunder and rain, suffering from a hormonal hangover triggered by last nights 11pm tortilla chips, guac and smores binge I am wondering… WHEN WILL IT END???? WHEN WILL I FINALLY FEEL IN CONTROL???? When will I arrive at that perfect place where I have conquered my cravings, motivated myself to EXERCISE, wear a perfect size 10 (I’d settle for 12) , FEEL good most of the time and be so organized that I accomplish everything on my list…oh yeah, and actually MAKE a list to accomplish…????!!!!!
I look back on my 30’s and 40’s with fondness…they were good years…but I wasted so much time and energy that I had and kept thinking…”I’ve got time…I’ll do that tomorrow…” and here I am, 50+ and wondering if it’s too late. I have good intentions…and we all know what road they pave. I start and then I get distracted or just give up. And now there are things happening in my body that I have no control over…kinda like pregnancy.
I remember when I found out I was pregnant for my first after trying for several years. After the initial elation and joy, it hit me that I no longer had control over what my body was going through and even parts of my life, and most likely for the rest of my life. I sat on my bed and bawled like a baby…morning sickness was ALL DAY sickness, and there was nothing I could do about it along with everything else that came with it. It turned out that pregnancy was a disease for me.
Yes, pregnancy and the life changes that come with being a mom was, and is, definitely worth going through. But now I find myself with the same feeling that I am facing a time in life that will forever change my life but this time is different. This time instead of the anticipation of being a mom and the joys and adventure that softened the adjustments that came with the responsibility of raising children , I feel a sense of loss. The reality that even though in my head I feel 25, my body is screaming 50 and I cannot turn back the clock. HOW DID I GET HERE????? I’d like some cheese with my whine please:)…
I think I’ve actually depressed myself with this post. So…now what?
Well, the fact is there are things I CANNOT change…but there are things I CAN DO.
I CAN take drugs, if necessary, to help with the hormones and pain.
I CAN exercise even if its simply walking from one end of the mall to the other while shopping for shoes.
I CAN look good no matter what size I am. FYI – Did you know that if you wear earrings at least the size of a quarter it will make you look 10pounds thinner? I have 4inch earrings so I’m lookin’ at 40pounds lighter without dropping a pound:).
I CAN choose to eat healthier and give up milk chocolate for dark chocolate…well at least some of the time.
I CAN let go of what I can’t change and I CAN embrace the blessings in life. I CAN still love and live and LAUGH! After all, we are not here to just look good (although that helps when one is feeling hormonal) we are created for RELATIONSHIP!!!! And we can have rich relationships that make even menopause (and other life crisis) bearable. It’s biblical.
I CAN BE everything God created and saved me to be regardless of time or circumstance. How do I know this? Because Philippians 4 is a great chapter in the Bible that tells me that with God’s grace, strength, and power, I can be content AND do ALL things through Christ (vs. 13). And not just me handling things all by myself but Paul understood our need for each other because the very next verse (vs. 14 which most people don’t even pay attention to) says “…but it was good of you to SHARE in my trouble.” RELATIONSHIP! There it is…which is why I am sharing this with you.
So let’s give up the cheese and “whine” (well maybe not ALL of it;) and get out there and EMBRACE LIFE!